Overcoming the Fear of Rejection and Silencing Self-Doubt to Find Your Tribe
What if your greatest obstacle to finding your purpose and your tribe isn't external, but rather the voice inside your head that constantly whispers doubts? What if overcoming the fear of rejection isn't about silencing it, but about understanding and embracing it? 🤔
In this post, we’re going to look at why it’s so hard to get past worrying about if people will like you, how this is holding you back from connecting with empowering groups that will help you find your purpose, and what to do about it. 💪
Often, when looking for groups with common interests, people get caught up in the fear of rejection. We worry that we won’t be accepted for who we are, that we’ll have to change something about ourselves in order to fit in, or that others in the group will only pretend to like us.
Does this sound familiar? You’ve been wanting to join a group that seems aligned with your values and goals, but instead of jumping in with both feet, you get caught up in your head wondering “what if they don’t like me, what if they’re only pretending to like me, what if I don’t fit in?”. Your thoughts race with all the ways in which you could be hurt, all the ways the group could respond to you that would leave you feeling unwelcome. 😥
This is a very common occurrence. Our brains are wired to keep us safe. That’s its most basic function - to keep us safe and alive. Unfortunately, it also sometimes overreacts in its efforts to do this. It happens to everyone. I call it the “lizard brain” 🦎 because it’s literally the same part of the brain that functions to keep all beings alive and safe.
Unlike lizards, though, we can override this with a little effort. And you should try to do so when there’s a group you really want to join!
Not joining a group out of fear of rejection prevents you from meeting new people. One of them might become your new bff. 👭 Another might completely change your perspective on something and open the doors to a whole new way you can serve. 🚪 Someone else might introduce you to a new hobby or something else that brings you joy. 😄 When you allow the lizard mind to dictate whether or not you join a group, you hold yourself back from personal growth and meaningful connections.
Letting the lizard brain 🦎 lead also holds you back from creating a life where you feel empowered to make a difference. Making a difference inherently means stepping outside your comfort zone and connecting with like-minded people. None of us makes a difference from the solitary bubble of our own lives.
Perhaps you wish you could turn off the lizard brain so you can just do what you need and want to do? I get it. But here’s the thing - it’s not about turning it off! It’s about learning to coexist. ☯️
Embracing the Lizard Brain’s Fear of Rejection
The next time those “what if they don’t like me” questions start to run amok in your head, try this exercise, which is based in the Inner Family Systems modality of therapy:
Say hello! You might even want to give your lizard brain a name and say “Hello, ___.”
Ask it why it’s so worried about not being liked and allow your thoughts to fully respond before you move onto the next step. If there’s a lot, you may want to take notes.
When your thoughts either go quiet or start repeating, you can begin to address each point that came up. For example, if your lizard brain said that it’s afraid of not being liked because if people don’t like you that means you’re worthless, you can offer up the counter point - you have worth because x, y, z (list several things you like about yourself). If the lizard brain argues with those, counterpoint those objections as well.
Keep doing this until all points have been addressed to the best of your ability.
Doing this exercise may take some time. I don’t expect you to do it all in one sitting, particularly if there are a lot of fears and objections to address.
Over time, your lizard brain will calm down, and you’ll feel more comfortable joining a group that excites you - one that’s aligned with your values and interests. As your lizard brain calms down, the “what if they don’t like me” thought spiral 🌀 will decrease. It may not ever fully disappear, but it will become more manageable.
You might be wondering, can I use this technique for other times I fear rejection, even if it’s not about joining a group? 🤔 You absolutely can!
Be aware, however, that if you continue to feel something about the situation or person isn’t right, it may be your intuition speaking, not your lizard brain. Pay attention to the signals from your body. 🧍♀️ You’ll learn which body sensations are lizard brain and which ones are your intuition with time and practice. For me, I feel lizard brain as nausea and intuition as heart space expanding. It’s different for everyone, though, so pay attention to your own body.
Don’t continue to let fear of rejection hold you back from connecting with groups of like-minded people who will empower you to level up your life. You’re ready to make a difference in the world, and you know you need a supportive group to help you do that. 🔥 You’re ready to find those people - your tribe.
With the steps above, you now also know how to quiet 🤫 those fears in your lizard mind and take the step of actually joining a group that’s aligned with your values and goals.
Having that powerful tool in your back pocket means you’re READY to jump in with both feet and join a transformative group. Yay! 🎉
We’d love to welcome you to The Soulful Sisterhood where, for $12/month, you’ll find a community of soulful womxn seeking to inspire positive change - just like you! 💖 Rest assured that we focus on creating a safe, supportive environment and helping each of our Sisters feel empowered. Our arms are always welcome to receive you in a virtual hug! Join us today.